I have often heard from other au pairs that they did not get along with their host family or that they were seen more as workers for everything. I had always considered myself lucky to be in a family in which I got along well with the host parents, mainly only had tasks that were expected of an au pair and were accepted by the children. Also I had imagined living in this family for six months and spending my au pair time there, but after seven weeks of living in the family, my host mother came to me one evening and said that she wanted to talk to me. I’ve been thinking about everything I could have done wrong. I was thinking about things that were totally absurd.

Nothing goes as planned

The next morning I was finally able to talk to my host parents. My host mother then told me that the childcare and the work was too much for her and that she wanted to stop working. This meant to me that they no longer needed an au pair. They have apologized to me several times and offered me their support. Since I am bound to a contract about the organisation, which states that I had to stay in the family for at least two weeks after the dismissal, I had time from then on to look for a new family. Since we had booked a holiday to Bali after these two weeks, I was allowed to stay a third week to fly with them to Bali.

It was clear to me that I would look for a new family as I enjoy living as an au pair very much and I wanted to stay in Sydney for a few more months.

Starting all over again

After my host family told me that they don’t need me anymore, I was a bit shocked, I hadn’t really realized what this means for me. Looking for a new family, getting used to new children again and getting back into a new routine.

The next Monday I called the organization and told them that I wanted to find a new family. They uploaded my profile again, so I could find a new family. I had three family suggestions, all from Sydney. Unfortunately, two families didn’t really appeal to me, because sometimes you just have to listen to your feelings. But with the third family I could already imagine living there, which is why I also wrote an e-mail to the mother.

She even replied shortly afterwards and we wanted to make an appointment for a Skype call, but somehow we couldn’t make an appointment and at some point she didn’t answer me anymore.

So I had three families to choose from, two that I just couldn’t imagine living with and one that didn’t reply to my emails. I then wrote an email to the organization, but they didn’t reply to me either and preferred to announce the next treasure hunt on their Instagram account. I already knew from a friend I had met in Australia that the agency does not support au pairs in such situations.

New Familiy, new Luck

I registered with Au Pair World and joined several Facebook groups where au pairs and host families can be found. I then also wrote a post and posted in these groups. In just 24 hours, over ten families have already contacted me. Some I canceled directly with others I have written a little longer. I also arranged to meet a family next weekend. I met with the parents, the children and friends of the family in a restaurant in Sydney for lunch. We already got along well, I asked the family questions and the family asked about my experience in childcare and other things. The children were a little older than my children from the previous host family. The boy was six and the girl seven.

They were a bit shy but also very sweet. The parents were also very sympathetic.

After 1 1/2 hours I left and arranged to meet the mother again for the next week. She wanted to show me their house so I knew where I would live and if I would feel comfortable there. I had not yet promised the family that day because I wanted to think about everything again.

That evening I told my host family that I had met another family, but that I was not yet sure if I want to live with them.

Two days later I met the mother again so that she could show me her house and I was really excited. It was very big, directly at the water, beautifully furnished, with a pool and in a very beautiful environment. I had a little chat with the mother and we got along really well. I accepted her directly and we were both very happy. We’ve agreed a day when I can come to their family.

But I could not go to the family right after the Bali holiday but only one week later. But I didn’t think that would be a problem. I wanted to book a holiday, but if it didn’t work out, I was sure that I could stay with my host family for another week, because it’s not my fault that I have to leave and it wasn’t my fault that I had to leave the family because I didn’t get along with them.

Somehow kicked out

On the evening I told my host family that I had found a new family there but that I could only go there a week after my holiday in Bali. I then said that I would try to book a holiday for this week, but I also asked if I could stay another week if I couldn’t book anything at such short notice. My host mother was a little reluctant and then told me that she had already invited her mother for this week and that she would sleep in my room. She hadn’t even offered me to sleep on the couch or an air mattress, but had kicked me out.

She had already offered her mother my room, but I hadn’t found a family yet. So they didn’t worry about what would happen to me if we came back from Bali and I haven’t found a family yet.

I then told my friends and family about my situation and everyone was shocked by the behaviour of my host family. That was also the moment when I finished with my parents there. I enjoyed the time with the children very much and will miss them very much but not the parents.

After being kicked out by my host parents, I couldn’t sleep the night after. My thoughts have been all around where I’m staying this week. I also didn’t really want to go to a hostel in Sydney because it would have been a waste of money. Besides, I didn’t have any income that week either.

The next morning I went to the agency and was luckily able to book a trip to Cairns. Since it was supposed to start in two weeks it was all quite expensive but I had no other choice.

I then flew to Bali with my host family and we had a great time together there but I was still full of anticipation for the new family.

The worst 12 hours

I flew two days earlier from Bali so that I could participate in the surf camp. When I came back on Sunday evening my host father and the children were in the living room. The children greeted me directly, but my host father only greeted me with a short hello and didn’t even look at me.

I went into my room and started packing my bags. When my host mother was at home, I went to her and also greeted her. But she didn’t even smile or ask how my weekend was. I asked her if I could leave my suitcase in their house during the week I was in Cairns because I couldn’t take so much luggage with me. She reacted very cautiously. I actually wanted to sit with my host family on my last evening but after I wasn’t even greeted properly I hid in my room. I have never felt so unwelcome in my life and I only counted the hours until the next morning when I could finally leave.

In the evening I also got an SMS from my new host mother if I could come on Monday although we had agreed on Sunday. She had asked me, as I was already coming from Cairns on Sundays, if I could stay one more night with my host family, but I had directly denied this, as I did not want to come back to this family again after this evening.

In addition, the new family wanted to have the mobile phone number of my host mother so that they could use her as a reference. We never actually had any problems and as far as the contact with the children was concerned, they were actually always quite satisfied, except for a few little things. But after that evening I was already a little afraid that my host mother would make a big deal out of these little things for my new family and that my new host family would reject me after all.

The next morning I only saw my host mother. We said goodbye to each other and I thanked her again for everything. In contrast to the farewell to the au pair who was there before me, the farewell was quite cold. I didn’t feel like someone who lived with this family for two months but like someone who was there for two days.

The setbacks continue

When I was in Cairns I saw on Snapchat that the previous au pair of my host family is now back in the family. I don’t know now how far all this is true, that the mother stops working and they don’t need an au pair anymore. I guess they just wanted the old au pair back. In contrast to her, I was never a family member but much more the au pair, but that was completely okay for me. I have a family at home in Germany so I don’t need a second at the other end of the world. I didn’t come here to find a new family either. But then they should have told me the truth instead of lying to me.

One day later I got a SMS from my new host family that the au pair who should come after me is coming two months earlier than planned and therefore they don’t need me anymore.

The bad sides of the life as an au pair

Before I came to Australia, I mainly heard good things about life as an au pair and that it should be quite easy to change your family, but since I am here I have heard many negative stories about life as an au pair.

Everybody complains about little things. It’s not your own family and culture after all but you can get used to these things and accept them for a few months.

But in some families the au pairs were also excluded from family life and ate alone in the room because the table was not big enough for everyone or the au pairs were treated unfairly by the children and the host parents were not disturbed. In addition, many au pairs were kicked out for no reason because they once mentioned something that disturbed them.

We are all young, have just finished school and are at the other end of the world where we have no one and then we are treated so unfairly by the families and kicked out. These are all parents who have children of their own, who wouldn’t want their children to be thrown out of the door in a foreign country. I have already talked to many au pairs and we cannot understand the behaviour of the host families.

There’s absolutely no harm in having different views on how well you get along with each other. Obviously, my host family had a different idea of me. However, I think that adult people should be able to communicate this honestly.

After all that I just didn’t feel like looking for a new family anymore and in the worst case I wouldn’t be satisfied with the family. I then decided to stay in Sydney until New Year’s Eve, because most of the people I met here stayed there and I really want to see the fireworks on New Year’s Eve. So I’m gonna live eight weeks here at the hostel trying to find a job. After that I would like to travel a little more and then I fly home earlier than planned. It all gets incredibly expensive but I prefer to pay more money than living in a host family again. I also have to say that I like life in the hostel better than I expected so far.

But to all future Au Pairs: I also know Au Pairs who have never had any problems with their families and my story should not stop you from an Au Pair programm. After all, there are also a lot of positive things about this job.